The 213 things I am no longer allowed to do in the US Army

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Joined: Sun Sep 11, 2011 1:31 pm

The 213 things I am no longer allowed to do in the US Army

Post by clyde85 » Sat Dec 31, 2011 12:45 pm

If you guys havent read this list it is hilarious!!! :lol:
Here are a few of my favorites in no particular order.

Not allowed to play “Pulp Fiction” with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer
Not allowed to add “In accordance with the prophesy” to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me
Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don’t like to War Criminal posters
May no longer perform my now (in)famous “Barbie Girl Dance” while on duty
Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions
Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post
Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once
“Napalm sticks to kids” is *not* a motivational phrase
Not allowed to trade military equipment for “magic beans”
Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours
Not allowed to quote “Dr Seuss” on military operations
Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra” at the rifle range
Not allowed to quote “Full Metal Jacket “ at the rifle range
An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots” does *not* involve fruit
An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape
May not pretend to be a fascist stormtrooper, while on duty
May not wear gimp mask while on duty
May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance
Must not use military vehicles to “Squish” things
If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it
When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony "romper-bomper-stomper-boo" in not appropriate

The list goes on and is one of the funniest things I have ever read, link below

Cmdr Jennifer
Posts: 808
Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2011 9:30 am

Re: The 213 things I am no longer allowed to do in the US Ar

Post by Cmdr Jennifer » Fri Jan 06, 2012 3:07 pm

I am SOOO adopting that "in accordance with prophesy" tagline for my comments now! Hilarious!

"Why did the exchange server go down?"

"In accordance with prophesy, I may not tell you. Go away peon!"
Fairy tales do not tell children that dragons exist.
Children already know that dragons exist!
Fairy tales tell children that dragons can be killed!

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